That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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