I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
