A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
