i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
