return my video game
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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