I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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