just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
