My brain says no but my pants say off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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