so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize