Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
