The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
