he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
