Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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