take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
