he thought i was a dude.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
