god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
