this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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