u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
