don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
