some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
