eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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