none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
