someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
