yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
