what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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