he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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