Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
