As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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