moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your penis caused this!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
