And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
