No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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