Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
