I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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