Need sex. Gaining weight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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