its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
