I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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