So drunk its hurt
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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