if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
