Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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