i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
