I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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