Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
