someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize