i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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