Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
