This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
