now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
