hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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