I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
