I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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