I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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