I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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