so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
