Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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