Need sex. Gaining weight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
