dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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