I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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