It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
