just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
