If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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