went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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