WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
