I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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