Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
