he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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