Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
