I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
