Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
