How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
