Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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