I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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