I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
