Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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