I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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