I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
