Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just high enough for therapy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
