bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So squirting runs in the family.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
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You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i think i just lost a toe
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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