Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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