i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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