Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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