she woke up with a sticky ear
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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