Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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