At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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