This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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